What I never told you
I often believe everything is my fault. It’s the voice in my head that says “It’s you!”.... That was until I realized that voice is you. You told this so many times, that I’m convinced its me. No matter what I do, how hard I work to make things happen. My self esteem is shattered by the constant criticism. Its hard to believe or to trust someone when they say or do something nice to me because the truth in my head says the opposite. Any form of conflict or argument triggers painful memories of not feeling enough and worthy or feeling powerless and trapped. You always said to be careful, people are mean, people want to hurt other people. Just like you did. Just like they did to you. Remember when you were getting drunk? And we were having those long serios conversations about how you were picking up women from downstairs? And raping them with your friends? And telling me in detail the stuff you were doing to them? I was 10 years old. In my head it got stuck that the same thing w...
