Speaking of dreams ...

She oftenly dreamed about yelling, but the sound wouldn’t come out. She felt a great fear that no one could hear her. She yelled louder. Still in vain. Then she dreamed about a little black bat struggling in her hair. Then she’d wake up all sweaty, feeling panicked and anxious.


She wanted to end this. Again. She couldn’t describe what she was thinking of in those moments. It was weird. She would describe ” the serenity” of that place; the room was all messed up. She threw all the clothes from the closet on the bed. “Fuck them!”, she said. On repeat, Evanescence- My Immortal. That song felt so good. She sat down, on the rough carpet. By her side were all the pills she could find in the room, arranged by shape. In front of her, daddy’s cherry brandy. No wine, no beer, nothing more strong to drink. She thought “ This is how I’m looking for inner peace?! Why am I tormenting like this?” and crying she was still thinking of how she could end this. End life or that confusing state…She was horrified by that.

“ I was coward again. I couldn’t do it. I can’t do it, can’t fulfill this humble escape from this shitty world.”
She was trembling.
“ I’ll face it. I’ll bond myself with death. My soul will then rest forever.“